by Madeleine KandoYou don’t know me but I know you of course. My name is Sabrina and I am a big fan of your show.
I have heard that you have difficulty finding enough room in your house for the $315 million dollars that you make each year. That you would need a space the size of a 35 car garage to keep all those dollar bills.
My brother and sister and I all have to share a bedroom, so I know what it’s like to have a space problem. I have read that you have given $52 million to charity. That’s awesome. (I asked my daddy why we don’t give a third of our $30,000 income to charity, like you. But he said that if we did that, we wouldn’t have enough money left over for food. That’s pretty stingy, don’t you think?)
So here is my suggestion: Why don’t you do the reverse? Why don’t you keep only the dollar bills that fit in a 2 car garage? That’s still a lot of bills, my dad told me. It would be so much, in fact that it could feed OUR family of four for the next 20 years.
You see, this way your space problem would be solved and you wouldn’t have to build a 35 car garage.
You could mention this brilliant idea to some of your celebrity friends. I am sure they have similar space issues. Will Smith, (I know, I have real a crush on him too), makes $80 million. He would have to build a 9-car garage. And Johnny Depp, who makes $72 million, would have to build an 8-car garage, poor man.
This idea would be very useful for some of my favorite actresses too, like Cameron Diaz, who makes $50 million and Jennifer Aniston who makes $27 million. So you see, they would save so much space by giving up anything that doesn’t fit in their standard 2-car garage.
In fact, if you and your celebrity friends sent that extra money to Haiti (they have lots of room there for dollar bills, and I am sure they would take it off your hands without charging you for storage), they could buy food for every single one of their 10 million inhabitants for quite a while. Wouldn’t that be awesome?
I think you should seriously consider my proposal, Oprah. This way, you would still end up with about 600 times more money than my dad. Granted, he doesn’t have your space problem, having only ONE old beat up car, but hey, you cannot have it all in life, can you?
Sincerely,
Sabrina
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4 comments:
Dear Madeleine. I have greatly enjoyed your articles in the past. They are an excellent example of the 'Power of The Pen'.
Your Oprah article is also quite skillful; but, unfortunately totally off base. Let me think of few analogies.
1. How about the teen who gets a used Saturn for Christmas but is bummed because he wanted a BMW?
2. What about the college freshman who has to go to Sac State but she had her heart set on Harvard?
3. And yes, AI have to mention the welfare recipient who can't possibly buy the big screen TV on his meager stipend.
HEY WAIT!! I have an idea! Let's get a government who will make sure everyone is equal! Everyone will have the same wages, food rations, perks, work the same hours, etc. That way everyone will be the same and oh so happy. We will take all of the wealth from the filthy rich and redistribute it to the masses. This will be for the benefit of the entire population. There will be no jealosy of your neighbor's goods since we'll all be equal. All the government has to do is enforce the concept (strictly I might add). It'll be great.
I can't believe nobody has thought of this already. This is a natural extension of your Oprah article.
Please let me know how I can assist you putting your pioneering philosophy into practice.
Signed,
Comrade Tom Bridges
Comrade Bridges:
If we lived in a more equitable society, Sabrina would be perfectly happy. But things being the way they are, she is obligated to add her little voice to the call for a more balanced system.
Sabrina’s comments are pretty funny; wicked sense of humor.
Yes, the writer of this letter is absolutely right. It's unbelievable how much some people can earn. What are they going to do with it? We can't even imagine!
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