by Anita and Tom Kando
We have a couple of groups of friends with whom we often get together. One group, in particular, travels overseas a lot, so the conversation is often about various nationalities and foreign countries. What is mind boggling is that this group is also exceptionally ethnocentric.
These people enjoy ridiculing many categories of foreigners, but one ethnicity upon which it is absolutely open season are the Italians. It’s not clear why, and it is very unwelcome, in that one of us is partially Italian-American. Since the group is very aware of this fact, the incessant anti-Italian barbs can only be a form of sadism, a form of bullying. Their “jokes” are the usual racist vulgarities - Italians are dirty, lazy, they are thieves, etc. The more alcohol these people consume, the worse it gets.
You may ask, why do we even bother to BE with such people? The truth is, we have compromised ourselves. We fear that if we are excessively “pure” in our moral judgments, we’ll end up without very many friends... Also, naively, we have thought we could perhaps educate these people, the way schools try to educate bullies. This is probably a lost cause, as bigots are usually set in their ways. Worse yet, when these individuals see that you are upset by their comments, they do not apologize. It’s a very uncomfortable situation for the few in the group who do not engage in such insults.
But this is not the place for us to whine about our personal problems. We write this essay to ask two questions: (1) How do you deal with racism masquerading as “ethnic humor”? And (2) what is the true meaning of such behavior?
If you object to one of their ethnic jokes, they’ll say something like: “Oh come on, can’t you take a joke?”
Or: “Jees, what’s the world coming to? Why is everybody so damn politically correct?” Or “Don’t be so sensitive...you are overreacting...”. We could reply that we are not overly sensitive, and it is they who are overly insensitive.
And then you try to make your point by saying, “Surely you wouldn’t ridicule or stereotype blacks or Hispanics this way, would you?” They might say (if they have some inkling of political reality): “Well, that’s different...”
Or you might try to make a counter-move, get angry and try to denigrate THEIR ethnicity (say, some variety of Anglo descent). Bad move. First of all, you now stoop to their level of vulgarity and bigotry. Furthermore, they are usually so dense that they can’t even understand jokes at the expense of “preferred” groups. Or, if worse comes to worst, they’ll show their true colors, and start seriously arguing that their ethnicity IS in fact better... So confronting racism with counter-racism is a bad idea all around.
The reality is this:
This is 2016, yet it’s amazing that there are still millions of “Archie Bunkers”(both male and female) around. These neanderthal fools are living in the past. We know many people who have put their prejudices away permanently and have become enlightened. Sadly, our country seems to have more than its share of such racism. America is exceptionally diverse, and it also has an exceptionally high level of racism and ethnocentrism - venom towards outgroups. Trump’s current popularity proves this.
Derision, ridicule and contempt for someone else’s ethnicity are simply a form of racist aggression, a deluded belief in one’s own racial and cultural superiority, an uneducated, moronic and 19th century mentality that is still widespread among millions of ignorant people. Ethnic jokes are a form of aggression against the “other,” the outgroup, the non-me, the one who is different from me. It is a statement that I am better. It is a vile form of aggression, because it cowardly masquerades as “friendly banter,” which it is most definitely is not. It’s obvious that we still have a long way to go in educating people.
© Tom Kando 2016
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12 comments:
Have you watched he documentary "Where To Invade Next"? It is Italy who ought to pity the USA; your bigoted friends who idiotically parrot what they see on Fox News, about the Italians, know nothing about that (or this) country's reality.
Fine post! I grew up in Sacramento, CA, in the 1960's. Ethnic humor was common. I overcame it by getting educated. I also left town for Los Angeles, where I was exposed to Mexican, Koreans, Japanese, and Chinese people. It took me a while to get used to an influx of Armenians.
Dealing with bigots isn't easy. You can avoid their company. But if that's not possible, consider humor. Three Americans go into a bar in Rome and ask, "Do you serve apéritifs." The bartender says, "Signore, we serve anybody." No, the won't get it.
Great subject guys. My way is; If you like the person, quietly say that you are offended, like as if they had farted. If you don't like them, say it loud. Make them feel ashamed. What offends you offends you, period. And you don't need a reason to be offended, like Anita's roots. Bigotry is offensive and although it might feel awkward to say it to 'friends' it is this cowardice that is perhaps as much to blame as the bigot for the continued use of racist jokes. People know it is wrong these days, so let them know it is them who are far behind and not the Italians/ black people/ Chinese or whoever.
Really, slurs against Italians? Art food. Culture capital of the world. laugh it off.
Thanks for your comments, anonymous, Barry, Tomi and Carol.
You all make sense.
Laughing it off is of course good advice.
And also, sometimes it's good to remind people that if nothing else, they are being boorish, to put it mildly... As Tomi says, this is a subject worth talking about...
Talking about segregation M.L. King Jr. said "Millions of Negroes have been crucified by conscientious blindness", which he believed lay at the core of racialized systems of control. Are white Americans conscientiously blinkered to the disproportionate mass-incarceration of black people? Probably most. Are they to blame? It's very hard to say. But if we all spoke up about smaller injustices like racial slurs or cowardly policing methods perhaps the negative end results could be assuaged.
If racial slurs were less acceptable in less of AmericaN homes, perhaps the likes of Donald Trump would be less acceptable in American politics.
Telling jokes has always been a way to deal with hardship. Jokes about the system were very popular in the Soviet Union before it collapsed, in Korea the "mask dance" was a pastime mocking corrupt feudal lords. Archie Bunker seems to reflect this same sentiment and the script was obvious written for comedy. I don't think you will get rid of stereotypes used in jokes until you get rid of human hardship. Of course, we could teach more civility, and more civility might lead to more social order, but it will not stop all hardship where it exists. When that happens, comedy is likely to cease.
I think it all comes from fear. When people feel their way of life is being threatened, they act out in fear, either by making terrible comments/political choices. It's especially true in CA where our population is becoming more diverse every day, eg. Latino population is expected to reach 70% by 2020. While many US residents celebrate our diversity and the melting pot effect, we have a lot of fearful people. So, they make jokes to assert what they feel is their waning significance. It's really ridiculous. None of us can move forward, as individuals or as a society (or even as a species), when we set ourselves apart from one another, even when it's just w/ "harmless" jokes. I'm glad you guys spoke up. Love you both. DKK
Hi Tomi. Thanks for your input. Yes I tried what you suggested by pointing out a couple years back that these types of "jokes" and rude comments are offensive. Unfortunately it resulted in an increase in that man's offensive comments. I now conclude that he enjoys offending others. One person did apologize recently and that is certainly a step in the right direction. The younger generation is so much better about not doing racial slurs.
Tomi makes another good point in his second comment. The connection between allegedly “harmless” ethnic humor and institutionalized racism in politics, economics, criminal justice and all other realms.
As a criminal justice prof. for 40 years, one point I kept repeating over and over again was the scandalous over-representation of African-Americans among our prison population - 13% of the population making up 50% of all prisoners.
Now it is true of course that (1) the black crime rate - not just non-violent drug offenses, for which blacks are punished disproportionately, but all crimes, including murder - remains much higher than the white crime rate. This should be understood as a class problem and not a race problem. When you control for social class, the black crime rate is not higher than the white crime rate. (2) The overwhelming majority of the victims of black crime are black themselves. In other words, the black community benefits the most from any reduction in the (black) crime rate.
But this is not the place for a criminological analysis, and the bottom line is clear: the criminal justice system continues to discriminate against blacks.
In response to Gordon, the following thought comes to mind: If there is a link between “hardship” and some forms of humor, e.g. ethnic jokes, it occurs to me that the group that is currently the most downwardly mobile, at least relative to its former position, is the working-class white male (we learned recently for example that he is the only demographic group whose life expectancy is declining). And he also happens to be the most virulent Trump supporter and the most racist.
This is also the issue raised (and well described) by DKK.
Nice piece. The research literature, as you know, suggests we cannot change people's opinions. And, yes, seeking out just like-minded people might leave us lonely. I'd rather hunt for new friends (which is hard to do) than put up with racist bullshit. All of which means I have very, very few friends.
So true!
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