by Tom Kando
On our recent flight to Europe, we met the legendary songstress Dionne Warwick. I am not telling you about this as a silly boast (there is nothing to boast about accidentally bumping into a celebrity, which I am sure has happened to many of you, and which in and of itself means nothing). No, I am telling you this because of the very fun and funny way in which it happened, and mostly because it was an excellent learning lesson for me:
We were on our way to Brussels, Belgium. We had just spent the night crossing the Atlantic, and we landed in Dublin, Ireland, for our connection to Belgium.
We had a couple of hours to spare, so we went shopping a little bit in the duty-free area. I was standing in line to pay the cashier for some minor purchases. Next to me stood a thirty-something man, also buying some trinkets. He courteously said to me “Go ahead, sir.” I thanked him, and we started chatting a bit. He asked me where I was going, and I told him - Brussels, Belgium. I asked him where he was heading. He replied that he and his family were going to some seaside town in England...he couldn’t quite remember the name of the place...
Figures, I thought to myself. Geography isn’t Americans’ forte. Could he mean London, maybe? The guy was probably not an experienced traveler; maybe his first time in Europe? I also thought, how nice, that “common folks” can travel overseas for leisure...
Presently, the guy turned towards a lady standing in line a few feet behind us (along with what seemed to be an entourage of relatives and friends) and he hollered at her, “Hey mom, what’s the name of the place we’re going to, in England?”
Then, he said to me: “Go ask that lady over there, that’s my mom; she is Dionne Warwick...”
I was puzzled, wondering what he was saying. I asked: "what do you mean?"
He repeated: "go ask my mom, over there. That’s Dionne Warwick..."
I looked. Sure enough, there she was, a lady with high cheekbones, older of course, but still beautiful, still recognizable.
I felt like shit. I realized right away how I had misidentified and stereotyped the thirty-something African American next to me in line, with whom I was chatting. “Common, inexperienced folks traveling overseas, ignorant of European geography?” My ass! My thoughts had been those of a judgmental, patronizing idiot.
Since he had invited me to do so, as soon as I was done paying, I walked up to Dionne Warwick and said "I’m so sorry, I didn't understand your son at first. What a pleasure to meet you! I grew up with your wonderful music..."
My wife Anita joined us. We chatted for a few more minutes. Ms. Warwick told us that she and her entourage (family, primarily) were going to a jazz festival in England - as participants, not spectators. I asked her whether she had attended
Aretha Franklin's funeral, just a few days earlier. While she had been invited of course, circumstances had prevented her from attending, she said.
Then, not wanting to impose, we shook hands and parted ways.
So this was a learning experience. My misidentification of Ms. Warwick’s son had been such a mistake! Although I was never OVERTLY patronizing towards him, thank God, just the fact that I made those stupid tacit stereotypical assumptions about him made me feel dirty. I now wondered: What’s the matter with me? I am a dumb fool!
Here are some small pieces of Dionne Warwick’s legacy:
Walk On By, 1964
If you see me walking down the street
And I start to cry each time we meet
Walk on by, walk on by
Do You Know The Way To San Jose, 1968
Do you know the way to San Jose?
I've been away so long. I may go wrong and lose my way
Do you know the way to San Jose?
I'm going back to find some peace of mind in San Jose
I Say A Little Prayer For You, 1967
The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now
And wonder what dress to wear, now
I say a little prayer for you
Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me
Most of her songs were written by Burt Bacharach.
Whitney Houston was her cousin.
The Movie: My Best Friend’s Wedding, 1997, with Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz, is a delightful comedy featuring a splendid scene with I Say A Little Prayer For You, 1967
© Tom Kando 2018;All Rights Reserved
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16 comments:
WOW THANKS FOR THOSE 60 MEMORIES
HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL
Hi Tom,
Thanks for that. Judy and I met over Dionne Warwick's music.
Lucky you! Such an honor, a privilege.
But you're forgetting something...you are an honor and a privilege too.
It's all good.
Hey Tom, this is very interesting. She recorded “planes and boats and trains “ by Burt Bacharach in 1966, also. Another beautiful song, my favorite.
Sent from my iPhone
Thank you all, for your gracious comments.
We all have (bitter-sweet?) memories of that time.
Dan, this is addressed especially to you: I was in grad school at the U. of Minnesota at that time, living on the West Bank, which is where you and I met. The Counterculture was in full swing...
What a great experience for you and Anita.
Awesome! I'm jealous- that is amazing- I love her music and her voice .
Thanks for sharing,
Gail
Sweet story, Tom! I don't think you need to feel badly. This is that subtle racism that African Americans point to when white people claim they are not racist. The white people really believe that--until something like your encounter brings them up short. Then they realize there may actually be a little unrecognized bias lurking in their subconscious. The response is the one you took--acknowledge it and do better next time. We are none of us guiltless! Bit by bit, the harms of the past are recognized, addressed, and laid to rest. It sounds as if your encounter with Ms. Warwick was entirely cordial. She probably enjoyed telling you about her forthcoming concert, and you achieved insights into your own feelings. I call that a win-win!
A wonderful experience. Diane should know where she was flying too? She would not tell you? Oh well. Yes I love all her music.You shook hands that's all what counts. Ha ha ha.She was Whitney Huston's cousin.Thanks Tom for sharing. You and your wife are still flying these long trips? I need to go over to Berlin and see my 98 years old mother. I loved your's and Madeline's story about your mom's passing, all the beautiful memories...
I was in a terrible car accident last year on November the 8.on Sunrise ave. add noon. A young guy, drunk, hit me. I had to be cut out, Jaws of life. I am worried about flying these long trips and the long lay overs. Well, if you are still active and visit Europe maybe there is hope for me.
I met you at a writers meeting around 2009. You came out with your book and I had mine finished also. I belong to the Sacramento Suburban Writers club.
Excellent blog entry, Tom! Not only a nice news, but it teaches a lesson.
The young man no doubt meant the 2018 Rye International Jazz & Blues Festival. Venue: The Venue: De La Warr Pavilion Bexhill-on-Sea. Date: Saturday, 8th September at 7:00 pm.
Tickets £50 / £55 / £65 / £70 -- SOLD OUT!
“She sparkles with the dusting of superstardom that only a select few truly have” - The Evening Standard.
BTW, I understand the young man's predicament. Who knows Bexhill? I accidentally know Dover/Folkestone/Hawkinge, but I've never heard of Bexhill. It's on A259, halfway between Normans Bay and Hastings.
Oops! No, I'm not anonymous. I'm Barry Schoenborn. Just clicked the wrong box, Tom.
Thanks Tom, for these wonderful memories!
What a nice happening and story for you both
Very refreshing! I wish more people could travel and meet people from other countries and backgrounds, and see that basically, we are all the same.
I thank Gail, Butler, Csaba, Marja and Beth, and especially Barry and Ann:
Barry is quite knowledgeable, apparently - both about music festivals and geography.
As to Ann: I wish I could have made my point as well as she does. What she writes is precisely what I was trying to say. The realization that I still have a ways to go, and that this experience helped me to recognize that.
As to Butler, I am sorry to hear about your accident. However, going to Berlin could be an excellent experience for you. You can do it!
Dear Tom, It's amazing how sometimes when we think we're so unbiased and accepting, we come face to face with our own weaknesses and liabilities. Those times become important lessons. Thank you for sharing one of those times with us.
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