by Madeleine Kando
I am old. And goddarn proud of it. Wish I had been old earlier. All those years wasted on being young. But I never could afford being old, you see. What with having to go to work every day, make babies, take care of the little brats, busting my chops to save money to send them off to college. Never even had a moment’s rest. At times I thought: ‘Wow, I wish I were old, so I wouldn’t have to deal with all this crap.’ But that was wishful thinking, or so I thought. I am sure you secretly have those thoughts too.
Well, let me tell you. Where there is a will there is a way. Don’t postpone till tomorrow what you can do today! Clog your arteries, expose yourself to stress, stop sleeping eight hours a night and above all eat and eat - eat all the garbage you can.
I tell you, if you follow this regimen, chances are you will be old before you know it and you can start enjoying what I and many of my fellow oldies enjoy. There is a reason why it’s called ‘The Golden Years’.
When young people tell you they never want to get old, they don’t know what they are talking about. They are soooo infatuated with themselves that they probably think old people want to be young, like them. Are you kidding me? Having to go through the horrors of puberty, the agony of dating, the rejection, the urges, the heart palpitations... no way!
I admit that I am not looking forward to the alternative of being old. You know what I mean. But being dead might also have its advantages. Like my mother used to say when she turned 103: 'when I am dead, no one will be able to give me grief any more'.
Being old is especially appealing now that we have reached the final frontier of our civilization, the 'ageism' age. Us old folks can finally take revenge on the years of being called useless appendages to our families, a burden on society, draining the public coffers with all our medical needs. Those good old days are gone, baby. If you dare bring up any of that, we can sue you for discrimination, defamation, neglect, liability, lack of respect, financial abuse, freedom of expression, right to drive a car into a ditch, etc.
So be afraid, very very afraid. Because we are here to stay! And like some wise (OLD!) person said: if you cannot beat them, join them.
If you are interested in joining our #GreyLivesMatter movement, we do have an online application. We do not discriminate on grounds of gender, sex, race or nationality. There is a questionnaire to fill out and a photo ID is required. We scan for Photoshop enhanced ID’s, so don’t think you can fool us by trying to look older than your are.
Have a nice day. leave comment here
“With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.”
I am old. And goddarn proud of it. Wish I had been old earlier. All those years wasted on being young. But I never could afford being old, you see. What with having to go to work every day, make babies, take care of the little brats, busting my chops to save money to send them off to college. Never even had a moment’s rest. At times I thought: ‘Wow, I wish I were old, so I wouldn’t have to deal with all this crap.’ But that was wishful thinking, or so I thought. I am sure you secretly have those thoughts too.
Well, let me tell you. Where there is a will there is a way. Don’t postpone till tomorrow what you can do today! Clog your arteries, expose yourself to stress, stop sleeping eight hours a night and above all eat and eat - eat all the garbage you can.
I tell you, if you follow this regimen, chances are you will be old before you know it and you can start enjoying what I and many of my fellow oldies enjoy. There is a reason why it’s called ‘The Golden Years’.
When young people tell you they never want to get old, they don’t know what they are talking about. They are soooo infatuated with themselves that they probably think old people want to be young, like them. Are you kidding me? Having to go through the horrors of puberty, the agony of dating, the rejection, the urges, the heart palpitations... no way!
I admit that I am not looking forward to the alternative of being old. You know what I mean. But being dead might also have its advantages. Like my mother used to say when she turned 103: 'when I am dead, no one will be able to give me grief any more'.
Being old is especially appealing now that we have reached the final frontier of our civilization, the 'ageism' age. Us old folks can finally take revenge on the years of being called useless appendages to our families, a burden on society, draining the public coffers with all our medical needs. Those good old days are gone, baby. If you dare bring up any of that, we can sue you for discrimination, defamation, neglect, liability, lack of respect, financial abuse, freedom of expression, right to drive a car into a ditch, etc.
So be afraid, very very afraid. Because we are here to stay! And like some wise (OLD!) person said: if you cannot beat them, join them.
If you are interested in joining our #GreyLivesMatter movement, we do have an online application. We do not discriminate on grounds of gender, sex, race or nationality. There is a questionnaire to fill out and a photo ID is required. We scan for Photoshop enhanced ID’s, so don’t think you can fool us by trying to look older than your are.
Have a nice day. leave comment here
7 comments:
Being old is fine if you have money. I was just told by the food stamps people that
$1000 dollars is plenty to live on for a month. This $1000 dollars includes all your bills which includes Medicare, your food, your increasing prescription costs, your internet,your rent must I go on. It doesn't add up. I am furious. Never breakdown when you are older and are unable to work.
Does anyone agree?
I would pick another way to verify that you are not a robot. It is very tiresome
Hilarious!
Thank you Madeleine for cheering up the grey brigade. Where can I sign up to #GreyLivesMatter? I've already bought my yellow vest for next Saturday's zimmer frame race. The lucky winner gets to publish their memoirs on European-American blog for all to read! :)
Anonymous: Your comment is much appreciated and in the spirit of what the #GreyLivesMatter movement is all about. Unfortunately our site is temporarily down due to an unusual amount of napping activity amongst our devoted employees.
WOW!!!! One of the best blogs I've read. I agree 100% and we Flourish as we age and get better with time if we see the wonderful gifts that come with this age wisdom.
Gail:-)
I used to dread getting old because I had no security. Would I be able to survive on a meager state pension? My career is low paid. Would I spend my most useless years without any money to do anything? Certainly not enjoy life. Could I heat my home? Would anyone be there to talk to me even? Clean up my remains when I collapse and die at home alone?
Then I came into some money, so I look forward to retirement. I'll invest in property so I have extra income for life and don't have to worry about my kids future. I'll travel around the world. I'll buy nice things and have money left to spend on hobbies like gardening, sports and books. My general feeling of wellbeing is more or less permanent. That money has bought me security and saved me years of worry.
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