‘Hey Madeleine, what are you doing sitting at your desk all day. Don’t you want to enjoy the outdoors? It’s a beautiful day today.’
‘Who is this?’
‘It’s me, your conscience. You must be sick of rummaging through those old letters. They are in Hungarian. Do you speak Hungarian?’
‘Uh, no. But what business is that of yours?’
‘Pardon me for asking: what is the point then?’
‘If you must know, I think I am suffering from a late-life crisis. I never had a midlife crisis. I was too busy taking care of other people’s crises, but now it’s my turn. Besides, my best friend is going through a late-life divorce. Or a separation, she doesn’t know what it is herself. But she says it makes her grow.
She says everything bad that happens in one’s life makes you grow. I am tall enough, I told her. I can never find my size shoes, and the sleeves on my coats are always too short.
But now I am thinking: why not use my late-life crisis to try to grow? Although you are right, sitting on my heinie all day seems to make me shrink. My late-life vertebrae feel the pinch.’
‘Then stop and smell the roses. You are not going through a late-life crisis; you are going through late life. It happens to the best of us, you know.’
She says everything bad that happens in one’s life makes you grow. I am tall enough, I told her. I can never find my size shoes, and the sleeves on my coats are always too short.
But now I am thinking: why not use my late-life crisis to try to grow? Although you are right, sitting on my heinie all day seems to make me shrink. My late-life vertebrae feel the pinch.’
‘Then stop and smell the roses. You are not going through a late-life crisis; you are going through late life. It happens to the best of us, you know.’
‘I prefer to call it a crisis. That way I can go through it and grow.’
‘All right. Have it your way. But don’t expect me to keep popping up to remind you that you are missing out on life, while you are so stubbornly trying to grow. Like you said, you are tall enough. Pretty soon, they will have to get a super-giant coffin. Hope you can afford it.’
‘All right. Have it your way. But don’t expect me to keep popping up to remind you that you are missing out on life, while you are so stubbornly trying to grow. Like you said, you are tall enough. Pretty soon, they will have to get a super-giant coffin. Hope you can afford it.’
‘I am trying to digest 80 years of my life writing my memoir. Would give anyone a bout of indigestion, a late-life crisis, don’t you think?
‘May I suggest going to confession, instead of spending your valuable late-life time on writing a memoir?’
‘May I suggest going to confession, instead of spending your valuable late-life time on writing a memoir?’
‘I went to confession when I still believed in the Almighty. But saying a Hail Mary and calling it absolution is crap. It changes nothing. Writing a memoir is a much more effective way of paying for your sins. That’s why I prefer it. I am a sucker for punishment.’
‘Ah, now you’re talking. You want everyone to know what a bad person you are. Once you are gone, they will write on your tombstone: ‘Here lies a really bad person’.
‘Ah, now you’re talking. You want everyone to know what a bad person you are. Once you are gone, they will write on your tombstone: ‘Here lies a really bad person’.
‘That’s preferable to not being remembered at all. See, it’s all about ego, isn’t it? Good, bad, who cares? That’s probably the real reason for my late-life crisis. I am scared shitless of not mattering. At least this way, I am giving it a shot.’
‘I wouldn’t listen to your ego. Who cares about your sins? Cannot change the past, so go for the chocolate cake and the booze.’‘Aren’t you supposed to mediate between my base instincts and my superego?’
‘You are chasing a phantom. You will die with your sins intact, memoir or no memoir.’
‘But I already wrote 100 pages!’
‘Well, burn them or bring them to the stories cemetery, and give it a proper burial. Give if a catchy title, like ‘unfinished last symphony’.‘You want me to kill my own memoir? I cannot bury it while it’s still alive!’
‘Well, I am your conscience and I know what’s best for you.’
‘You cannot tell me what to do. There is such a thing as freedom of speech in this country, you know.’
‘I am wasting my precious time on you. I have other late-life crisis people to attend to. Bye’
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