Beware of Awareness

by Madeleine Kando

Being aware of something is not as straightforward as you might think. Being too aware of yourself, for instance, is not really such a good idea. If I was aware of everything about myself, it would be so lethal to my self-esteem that I probably would commit hara-kiri on the spot.

My brain is more like a piece of Swiss cheese, with big holes that represent blind spots to protect myself from too much awareness, too much consciousness.

My age, for instance is something I prefer not to be too aware of. It's healthier that way. And what about my self-centeredness, my need for privacy, my impatience? I don't want to be too aware of those qualities either.

I prefer not to be aware of how I drool when I sleep, how I squint in front of a painting, how I look when I step out of bed, unwashed and uncombed. Who needs that kind of awareness?

That's why I envy animals. They have no sense of shame or embarrassment. Dogs lick their you-know-what in public, humiliate themselves begging, they follow you around like a slave when they want something, they get angry when they feel like it and they show boundless affection when they are happy. Does that make them less capable of enjoying life? Are they inferior to us because of it?

Children are so unaware of themselves to the point of irritation. They talk to themselves, bump into strangers, sing, laugh and cry at the drop of a hat. They totally lack inhibition and it's a miracle most of them make it to self-aware, uptight, decent adults.

People take workshops to develop self-awareness, to discover who they truly are. But what if you truly are a mass murderer, or a pervert? Aren't you better off not discovering your true self?

If I was aware of everything about myself, I wouldn't have time to reflect on anything else. And if I was aware of everything around me, I would be so overwhelmed I would want to escape to an isolation tank.

All joking aside, I do think that being aware of injustices, suffering and cruelty is important. The trick is to be selective about what you want to be aware of. If you are not a very aware person, be smart and listen to others who can make you aware of your unawareness, like me and my very aware husband.

On the other hand, if we were really aware of all the dangers, risks and minimal chances of success of anything we try to do, we would all become catatonic. And then who could be blamed for all the failures in the world? leave comment here