An Interview with Newt Rontorumney, the 2012 Republican Presidential Candidate

By Tom Kando

By August 2012, the GOP has finally settled on its presidential flag bearer. He is Senator Newt Rontorumney. Here are a few excerpts of a conversation he conducted recently with famous TV interviewer Matt Lauer:

Lauer: “Senator Rontorumney, what do you propose to do about the millions of American homeowners who are under water? That is, people who owe more on their mortgage than their house is worth?”

Rontorumney: “Well Matt, you see, it’s all about individual responsibility. If an individual acts responsibly, he’ll be alright.”


Lauer: “I see... but is there any sort of assistance that might be provided?”

Rontorumney: “I am opposed to class envy. That’s not the American way.”

Lauer: “Sir, could you explain that a bit more...”

Rontorumney: “Yes. Ultimately, it all comes down to the idea of freedom. This country was built on freedom. That’s what it’s all about!” (Loud applause from the audience).

Lauer: “Thank you, Mr. Rontorumney. Now let me turn to health care. You have stated that you want to repeal Obamacare. But what do you say to the 50 million Americans who then will have to forego health insurance again?”

Rontorumney: “Matt, my father always taught me: If you keep the faith, if you keep believing in the goodness of people and if you keep believing in yourself, you’ll come out alright...”

Lauer: “Thank you, Senator. As you know, part of the current health care debate is about contraception. You are Catholic. Do you oppose all forms of birth control?”

Rontorumney: “Matt, have you ever read this document (he holds up a copy of the Constitution): did our Founding Fathers include a constitutional right to birth control?”

Lauer: “...uh...I don’t suppose they did, Senator. There, you have me trumped...”

Rontorumney: “... and the reason why they did not include such a right is that it would violate religious freedom.”

Lauer: “Okay. Now what about unemployment: Millions of Americans have been looking for a job for a year or longer. How will you address that issue, if you are elected?”

Rontorumney: “There again, Matt, my mother and father taught me that faith, belief in God and in yourself are essential. If you truly believe in yourself, you can accomplish anything. As they say, God helps those who help themselves (haha).”

Lauer: “So you don’t believe that the government has a role to play in reducing unemployment?”

Rontorumney: “The only role for the government is to get out of the way. The free market creates jobs. Business creates jobs. Freedom creates jobs.”

Lauer: “I understand, Senator....”

Rontorumney: “And let me amplify: This country needs to return to the principles of the Constitution. Those principles are clear: Marriage is a sacred vow between one man and one woman; a human being begins at conception. We must take the country back and return to the truths which made America great. Freedom and responsibility.leave comment here